We are all holding things tight and close. We are all not telling the whole truth. And let me begin by saying ...
that is OKAY.
There are things that are just meant for us. To be cherished in our hearts. To be held tightly to the chest. To be shared only in the most intimate relationships.
We can not possibly be 100% vulnerable with everyone or in every space because not everyone or every space is safe or not every truth is ready to be told. This requires wisdom and appropriate boundaries.
But there are things that need to be shared. Things that need to breathe. Truths that need air.
We often smother our truths with heavy wool blankets, stifling, heavy, hot and sweaty, suffocating.
I want to offer the idea that...
Telling the truth is preventive care.
Let me explain….
So often we don’t go to the doctor until we are very ill. There were symptoms that something was not right but we ignored them.
So often we don’t go to the gym until we have 30 extra unwanted pounds on us or an injury we need to heal from.
In the same way we often keep truths/feelings/behaviors/thoughts to ourselves for far longer than is healthy for us and our loved ones.
I am curious to know how to share my truth, in timely fashions, with safe individuals, to avoid explosion or decay.
I just finished Season 3 of BLOODLINE. This show is not for everyone... but it captured me 2 years ago and I fell deep into the waters of this show. BLOODLINE takes you into the inner workings of a well known and celebrated family in Islamorada, Florida.
I won't tell you more than that, but I want to mention that the whole story of this show is birthed out of a lie.
Then another lie.
Then a bigger lie.
The destruction that explodes from the cover ups is enough to destroy many lives and relationships.
My brain often looks backwards onto what could have been done differently yesterday, to avoid the pain and dysfunction of today.
In the narrative of BLOODLINE there was a legacy of lying and hiding that led to devastation.
So if we rewind <------<< one way to prevent the storm and wreckage is by...
Telling the truth.
Airing it out.
Letting it breathe.
I would imagine that all of us feel locked in some sort of closet of truths. We want to get out. To share what is real. But we hide.
We sit, alone, suffocating in our darkness because of fear of what the truth will bring.
This musing is meant to stir the souls of those reading.
What are we hiding?
A friend of mine wrote a song for our church to sing in our worship gatherings on Sunday nights… one of the lyrics speaks to this... it says...
“Come out of hiding, be seen and be known, for I will go with you wherever you go”
This is reminding us that in the safety of relationship we are able to be seen and known.
What is heartbreaking is that not all relationships are safe.
There is a call in my community and within the therapy office to create safe spaces for people to be seen, known, and loved.
What if therapy was a safe space? What if church was a safe space? What if our homes were safe spaces? What if our friendships and marriages were safe spaces to share the fullness of who we really are?
How many times have we felt afraid to share our truth?
How many times have we seen it explode later down the road?
I can think of a thousand ways this manifests in our world.
Affairs, drug or alcohol abuse, hidden trauma, unspoken depression, suicidal thoughts, unbelief feigning as belief, and on and on and on...
We hold our pain, mistakes, or messy truths so close that it often comes out sideways.
What if telling the truth is actually preventive care? Even when it’s hard.
Even when it’s scary and your heart beats wildly and your palms become damp.
One last thing... it seems that sometimes before telling out truth to others we must become aware of it ourselves. Be honest with the most intimate relationship I have on this side of the divine. Myself.
A dear friend reminded me of this today. She shared that “sharing our truth starts with acknowledging our truths to ourselves. I have been hiding some of that. From myself... and I wonder why I feel crazy. Sometimes in order to appear "strong" and "ok" in front of others, I deny the truth to myself.
Because if I acknowledge it, I might not be able to appear "strong" or "ok" in front of people.
The acknowledgment of feelings to myself doesn't fix anything, but can make me feel lighter.”
Whew. Yes. Lighter is what I am interested in.
So may our truth be told.
As we continue to learn what it means to care for our souls, I present that allowing your truth to be told ( in safe spaces ) is a mighty way to experience freedom and rest.
As I wrap up I'm just gonna leave these quotes right here....
It’s not sincereity, it is truth which frees us, because it transforms us. It tears us away from our inmost slavery. –Henri de Lubac
Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world…would do this, it would change the earth. –William Faulkner
When a woman tells the truth, she creates the possibility for more truth around her. –Adrienne Rich
Seek the truth, not what is comfortable. Seek the real, not the easy. — Gerald May
Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving. –James E. Faust